Looking for a serious relationship is no easy task, especially in 2021. Thanks to social distancing, the disconnectedness of modern life and the rise of app-dating, starting a serious relationship is more challenging than ever.
Does that mean you should give up looking for a serious relationship?
Instead of waiting for the dream relationship to fall into your lap, or the one’ to arrive at your doorstep wearing a sign, you have to go out into the world, prepared and ready to manifest that dream relationship in your life.
But, if you are unsure how to start looking for a serious relationship, then you are in the right place!
From my experience in relationship therapy, and also in my personal life, I have learnt a thing or two about how to approach finding a serious relationship. Which is why I feel compelled to write this article as the next stop on my Relationship Blog Series (more here).
Tip 1: Make Intentional Decisions
Very rarely in life do things just happen.’ Think about the job you are currently working, the course you are studying, the clothes you are wearing, the place you are living- did those things just happen’?
Along the way, you made conscious and intentional decisions to invest your time, money and energy. These e applies to looking Mer hjälp for a serious relationship. Intentional decisions could be downloading a (serious/reputable) dating app, putting the word out to your friends to organise some introductions or joining a social or community group where you can meet new people.
Intentional decisions could also be reviewing where you are currently spending your time and energy. If that’s gaming with the boys, or brunching with your girlfriends, then frankly you are not being intentional about finding a romantic relationship. So, maybe it’s time to do less of those activities, and devote more time to situations where there is the possibility of a relationship developing.
Tip 2: Do the necessary self-work before looking for a serious relationship
Do you lack confidence and self-esteem? Are you carrying around some baggage from your past relationships or a bad break-up? Is your mental health up and down?
Even if you desperately want a serious relationship, these kinds of issues will most certainly get in the way of that happening. The reality is, you have to do the necessary self-work first, to address and begin to resolve these issues, before you are in the right headspace for committing to a serious relationship.
You have to do the necessary self-work first, to address and begin to resolve your issues, before you are in the right headspace for a serious relationship.
Well, take the situation of someone with low self-esteem. Because they struggle with confidence and to recognise their self-worth, they might jump too quickly into a relationship with someone who does not treat them with respect and dignity. And because of their low self-esteem, they might even accept bad treatment or disrespect from that person.
Often, they will miss the red-flags in the beginning, such as being put-down, dismissed or criticised. Either they accept this behaviour as normal or even feel that they deserve this treatment ( more on low self-esteem here ). Usually, these relationships end quite badly, with even more emotional damage done to the person who was already in a vulnerable state.
It’s normal to carry some baggage or wounds from the past. But before starting a relationship, it’s really helpful to begin healing those scars, preferably with the help of a psychologist.
By working on yourself first, you are getting emotionally ready for a serious and healthy relationship. Just like an athlete warms up before the big race, so you too should be doing the necessary self-work before running the relationship marathon!
